“If you don’t let me leave, I’m gonna cut myself” I say to Daddy, holding the telephone tightly against my cheek as I hide behind the TV couch. He’s doesn’t say anything. I feel my eyes tear up again. “You will come visit, right?” He still says nothing. I look over the couch to make sure Ron is not looking. “But I love you” I whisper into the receiver. I can hear him breathing. It makes me calm. I think he is thinking.
“You know you need to be there” he says sternly.
“But I don’t want to. I want to go home.”
“It’s not a choice” he says.
“But that’s not fair. I didn’t do anything!”
“Don’t you dare talk back to me” he growls.
We are quiet. I don’t know why he doesn’t want me home.
“How much longer?” I ask.
“I don’t know.”
The other kids are coming back from group. I don’t want to hang up.
“James!” I hear Ron yell from across the room. “James! Get off the phone!” He starts walking towards me. I scramble on the floor and knock over the books lying on the table to my left. I run around the couch, pass the doctor’s room, find my bedroom, and slam the door shut. I push my bed against the door and press all my weight against the frame. I am scared Daddy hung up. I press the phone firmly against my ear and listen. I can hear him breathing. I hope he is not mad.
“Faster than Flash?” he suddenly says. I think he is laughing.
“Faster than Flash!” I repeat back. I smile.
I hear Ron start banging on the door. I hate him. I push my weight even harder against the bed frame.
“You are just like your old man” Daddy says. “Don’t let no one tell you what to do.”
Ron suddenly brakes through my barricade, pushes the bed back towards the wall, and rips the phone from my hand.
“Who is this?” Ron asks Daddy angirly. I don’t get why he is so mad.
“You know you cannot talk to him” Ron says to Daddy.
I start screaming and hit Ron’s legs. He doesn’t pay attention to me. He keeps talking to Daddy. He says something about the police and something called CPS, but I am not sure what any of that means.
I see Ron press the off button on the phone. I start crying. Ron sits down next to me, his large belly hangs over his hips, and he puts his thick hand onto my shoulder. I spit in his face. “Asshole!” I yell at him.
I jump off of my bed, run back into the common room, pass the doctor’s room, zip around the couch, and press the big glass door at the end of the hall that looks out onto the snowy courtyard.
I hear the alarm scream as I run out the building and into the snow. I look back to see Ron and two other staff chasing me. I start laughing and flip my middle finger off to all of them. I grab a few rocks that are sitting at the edge between the yard and the driveway. I throw them at Ron.
Someone suddenly grabs the back of my T-shirt and pulls me to the ground. I can’t see. My face is stuffed in the snow. I squirm my body from side to side and kick the body on top of me.
“James, It is okay” the voice says. “I am here for you. It is okay. I promise.”
“I hate you!” I yell at it. “I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” My legs start to tire and I lie motionless on the ground. Ron shuffles over, lifts me up, and carries me all the way to the unit where I see the Happy Birthday James! banner hanging down off of the entry door.
Zach Rausch 